I remember the rain
by LadyPharaoh
Summary: Running from one's past was always an impossible task. An experience that Alucard was very familiar with. Centuries after centuries, pushing away one memory after another, but never fully able to let go. It was part of him, part of his fate. In the end, they would always come back to haunt him, creeping into his dreams and pouring every last bit of themselves out to him.


It always began like this. Alucard knew what was happening as soon as his surroundings slowly started to take shape.  
A loud thud, something hitting the wet grounds and startling him from his sleep.  
The sound of the heavy rain muffled everything else. Half asleep, he would make his way to the window in tired curiosity.  
Loud noise came from the halls above the Castle. Was it cheering? Screaming? He couldn't tell, these demons had sounds of their own. Lights were flickering, the noise rang in his ears and left behind numb pain.  
He should have probably minded. Maybe given it a thought. But his mind was groggy, his body demanding a rest instead of moving to look out of the window.  
However, as his eyes scanned the darkness between the trees and the raindrops, a figure came into sight that had his heart stopping in an instant. As soon as his eyes had spotted the shadow, it was swallowed by the night and he couldn't locate it anymore.  
Was it a figure of his imagination? Or the longing that pulled on his heartstrings in this delusional state?  
Either way, Alucard found himself wide awake by the sudden dread that had taken over his body and he hastened outside with his cape to shield him from the glances of the monsters.

With every second that had passed during his escape, panic rose in his mind and clouded his memories of it; he couldn't recall if he actually bumpted into a beast or not. The scenes kept jumping over one another, different scenarios that had gotten stuck in his mind over the centuries.  
Like the sensation of feeling the rain upon him, how his bangs sticked to his face which cooled down quickly. Drops rolling down his cheeks, hitting his face like tiny razor blades, dripping from his nose as he was running against the winds towards the forests. The mix of grass and earth layed heavy in the air, blocked out the stench of smoke and decay that usually was around the Castle as if nature tried to purify itself from the destructive forces, caused by those filthy demons and their habits to destroy and devour living creatures, whatever they may be.  
There was no light coming from the forests either, he had brought an oil lamp, but wasn't willing to turn it on before having found something. His senses lead the way well enough between the trees to the direction which he had spotted the figure before until he could hear faint panting, then another thud on the ground. The distinct, choppery smell of blood filled his nostrols, it pierced through the earthly one like an arrow. A low growl came from his throat, something primal roared from the depths of his mind, but he shoved it away. This was not the time to lose himself over his animalistic needs. Instead, this strong presence of blood alarmed him and his steps quickened to locate the source that had his mind get dizzier with every breath that he took.

His eyes almost missed it, the figure on the ground. Alucard could hear his own heartbeat between his ears, swallowed significantly to shove away the desire to feast, pulled out the oil lamp and turned it on with shaking fingers. The warm light cone spread far, the edges shaking and revealing the broken figure before his eyes. Never in his darkest nightmares would he have dreamed to see the Huntress like this; on the ground, one gloved hand clutching desperately to her side as if it could stop the furious bleeding, her clothes stained from the hips down and there was a little pool of blood already which was washed away by the rain. Shock had him only paralysed for a second before he knelt down, panting heavily, and helped her on her back between his arms. Her eyes were only half-opened, the blue of them were lactic and her face had alarmingly paled.  
Alucard raised his hand to cup her cheek, stroked away the blond strands of hair as well as dirt and blood. He had to shut his eyes hard, pushing away the sensation of what the scent had him feel. "S-Sonia...?", he panted breathlessly, shaking her softly. After all, she was still breathing, her chest rising and falling slowly and her pale lips lightly parted. "Can you hear me...?" It was more like pleading to her than expecting an actual answer, fearing to feel her heartbeat stop in every moment. Instead, a deep sigh came from her, her weak limbs shifted a little, but no answer. More fright bloomed wildly in his chest, it clouded his rational mind and he took her hand, squeezing it before placing her on the ground and cutting pieces of his coat off, pressing it against the wound. Claws had ripped her skin brutally and tore out flesh, though Alucard could only glance at it for a second before trying to stop the bleeding. His sight blurred, warm liquid pressed against his fingertips, drops lazily rolling down his fingers. Another groan. He had to focus on her. His hands stiffened, forced down, resisting the urge to lick blood from his palms. Instead, he called out to her once more, clinging to every reaction that her beaten form showed.  
Finally, her lips trembled, another weak sigh and her eyes seemed to scan the area as if trying to understand what was happening or where she was. "... A-Adrian...?" Her voice was pitiful and helpless, he had wanted to burst out into tears. It wasn't him who was beaten and broken, therefore he pulled himself together and took her hand again.  
"I'm h-here, Sonia... I-It'll be all right..." His own voice was shaking beyond belief and he couldn't trust his own words, knowing very well that she could die in this very spot if she decided to let go or be overwhelmed by the pain. Understandably, her reactions were incredibly delayed as if her ears didn't catch any of his words, blocked out by the sound of the rain. However, every second that passed by set off fear in his heart.  
Just very lightly, she clutched unto his fingers before she was able to give any kind of response. "... I'm... I'm sorry..." It almost sounded like Sonia was at the edge of crying herself, but was far too exhausted to even show any strong emotion at this point. The tone alone had Alucard shivering, it was fading away with every word.  
There was no village nearby; people had moved away in fright or were slaughtered by armies of demons. The closest space would have been a monestary, though it was uncertain for how long she could hold on. And the longer he would be absent from the Castle, the more likely they would be able to find out about him having left to possibly assist her.  
Alucard breathed in sharply. There was no time to waste. He couldn't watch someone close to him die in horrid pain, not again. "Please, s-stay with me, I'll get you somewhere warm and safe...!" His legs and arms were weak, exhausted from having tensed up this entire time, but he took off his coat to wrap her in it, buckled the oil lamp to his belt and lifted her broken form up in his arms. All that the Huntress could do was to lean her head against his chest, panting in small puffs. There was no resistence or power left in her body, it felt like carrying a heavy puppet.

The lines of time were once again blurred for him, his memories were sensations rather than actual pictures that came to life before his closed eyes. Alucard could remember how he was dripping wet at some point, his clothes getting weighty and pulling on his limbs, the rain never stopping. The forest was getting darker for a long time, there was only the night and the many trees around them. Every once in a while, his eyes darted down to her, fearing or even hoping for any significant change, but all that he saw were the gloomy shadows in her pale face and her eyes lacking any of the fierce fire that seemed to be burning from within. The flames had been extinguished at once, most likely by the hands of his father. This thought alone had him whimpering, he had to swallow any kind of despair that wanted to add itself to the mix of his helplessness.  
It didn't take long until they reached the old walls of the monestary - or did it take longer than he could recall? -; Alucard only spent a second looking up at the gates before knocking quickly with his shaking fist. Perhaps it was only for two seconds or three, but there being no response at first had him almost drive insane. He couldn't keep his cool, that was absolutely impossible. One of the lights moved from one space to another, getting closer to the gate and soon enough, he could spot an eye peeking through a hole down at them. A moment of silence was between them and it formed a thick knot in Alucard's throat, he swallowed with difficulties before he was able to raise his voice.  
"G-Good Sir, I am here to seek shelter for a wounded woman. There is no safe place around here and I am helpless to assist her..." He stroked off the hood to reveal her face to him, her sight had his chest tighten with fright. At least, Sonia was still breathing, fighting with her life. Even at the verge of death, she was ever so brave.  
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the grand doors opening and the cloaked monk with a lamp in his hand approached him with great worry in his expression. "Please follow me."

They made their way through the garden of the monestary, moving towards the many stone houses where the monks would live with each other and have their own household. Next to those, there was another, bigger building. By the smell of the garden next to it, the piercing scent of herbs tickling in his nose, trying to battle the stench of blood that was clouding his mind, Alucard suggested that it was where the monks would keep their sick members or people in need which there were enough of probably with the Castle of his father around.  
As soon as they entered the building, the dim lights blinded him for a moment while warmth wrapped their shaking frames. The priest lead him to one of the beds, though not many were occupied for the night, he gestured him to be quiet, seeing how everyone was sleeping or resting, at least. With shaking arms, Alucard placed the Huntress on the bed and pulled away the coat carefully. After placing a warm blanket over his wet form, the priest took off his own coat and carefully inspected her wound. His face paled terribly and he grabbed a few herbs and a bowl of water with a cloth to clean it properly. "What happened...?", he mumbled more to himself than to Alucard, he couldn't keep his gaze up and bit his lower lip.  
"Some beast, I assume...", he replied breathlessly, trembling at the image of any kind of demon ripping her skin apart like that in a fierce battle. "I have... Found her like this in the woods..." The priest kept wrapping up Sonia in silence, then covered her with a fur blanket to warm her cool body up. His expression turned grimmer as he looked her over, her heavy breathing became thinner and more irregular. For a while, only this sound filled the air, neither of the two men had the strength in them to start any kind of conversation. After a while, the priest grabbed his lamp and coat, told Alucard that he had to continue his watch outside and that he was allowed to stay for as long as he wished.  
"She needs someone to hold on to." That was the only sentence that he could say with some kind of confidence and it cleared his mind from the demonic desires in his very existence. Indeed, like this, she wasn't strong enough to survive. The Huntress could fight, she could struggle, but her body was always weaker than her spirit and it was at its absolute limit.

His hope diminished as soon as Alucard took hold of her hand, his fingers pressing into her wrist to feel her pulse. It was weak, far too faint. For any other human, this was a death sentence.  
Alucard shook his head. He wouldn't want to think about it. This was not just any human. But even then, his own words didn't sound convincing in his mind and shame came over him, a bitter taste on his tongue. With despair trembling in his voice, he squeezed her hand. "Everything will be fine", he mumbled like a mantra to both of them to find some peace in this unnerving atmosphere. Sonia shifted a bit, a whimper parted her lips, then her eyes fluttered open as if it was burning up more energy just by doing so. "You just... Need a proper rest now..." His own voice was starting to fade away with every word as there was no sign of recovery whatsoever.  
Either his emotions were clearly showing on his expression, which would have been unusual for him though this was a drastic situation, or the Huntress knew him well enough to understand his behaviour. To be fair, they were married and living in the same space for over five years, so there was some sort of connection that Alucard couldn't properly grasp. "Adrian... I-I...", she pleaded desperately, every fabric of her in pain and her hand clutched to his with the remaining bit of strength. Alucard swallowed every word that welled up in his chest, giving her time to speak her mind, whatever it may be. "... I... Can't hold on m-much longer..." Tiny tears were forming in her tired eyes, her breathing became quicker and Alucard stroked her hand that held unto his fingers. Having her freaking out wouldn't be of any help to her, widening the wound or waste more of her energy, either one ranked up the fright in his mind.  
"D-Don't say that!" Alucard tried his best to gather confidence in his voice for it to sound more firm as if he was starting to scold her. "You are... Stronger than this, you know that...!"  
One would think that the smile of one's - former? - wife would be reassuring, that it would bring peace to the storm of panic, but hers was killing away every ounce of hope. Sonia was sure of what was going to happen to her as well as Alucard, but he wouldn't want to admit to it yet. "... Thank you... F-For everything..." The Huntress shifted in her position, a sting of pain breaking the soft smile on her lips before she glanced up at him again. "But this... Is the end of the road... ... My love..." As soon as Sonia had tried to smile for him again, it vanished as if a terrifying thought striked her and her body shivered from deep sadness. Was she finally realising what she was talking about?  
This mix of panic and helplessness gave birth to the sensation of anger, something of such intensity that he hadn't felt in many years. "You can't expect me to watch you die...! I-I won't accept it!" He barely had any control of his voice, it was breaking soon enough with old memories tormenting his troubled mind. "I can't... Lose you, too..." It was as if he was that young man again from many years ago, unable to move or act to change fate and merely pleading for a different kind of resolution. Apparently, this was his purpose, to see those he loved and cared about vanish one after another, the curse of eternity taking its full effect on him.  
One couldn't quite tell whether or not Sonia was fully comprehending his words or if she was stuck in her very own thoughts. "F-Forgive me..." Her tears spilt from her eyes, she shut them in shame and sobbed silently to herself, though that in itself caused her pain at which she tried to cease her crying despite the overwhelming amount of sensations taking over her. Her eyes now hung in the air, not entirely focusing on anything at this point. "I'm s-sorry...", she repeated, "I can't... Come b-back home..." Now it seemed like Sonia spoke whatever came to her mind, her clear track of thoughts was slipping away with every breath. "P-Please... Forgive me... For I am t-too weak... T-To protect you any longer..." Her eyelids were trembling from forcing them to stay open, she was already at her utter limit and giving her last breath.

At this point, Alucard couldn't explain his reactions anymore. He couldn't justify this entire night where he had lost his cool completely and surrendered to his despair.  
Was it his lowered guard because of her blood loss? Clouded and unreasonable actions sprung from his animalistic part of his soul. Or was it simply the sight before him and feeling her pulse weaken with every moment he checked up on her? Despite wishing and praying for a miracle to happen, he was losing the control over this situation which he might never have had to begin with.  
Perhaps it was a mixture of such, of panic finally finding its way to his heart and shutting down his entire sense of reason.  
Her eyes closed moments after. Her lips moving, but her voice was too low to make out any word. Her breathing got lower, at this point it was stopping all together. Her frame stopped shivering. It was silent.  
Alucard's heart didn't just sink in his chest, it crushed through his insides and ripped him apart. He didn't even notice the tears rolling down his cooled cheeks. His mind raced thoughts too quickly. His movements unexplainable, almost like instinct.  
With a pained sound, Alucard pulled off his glove and bit into his own hand. It didn't even hurt, the rush of helplessness numbing the sensation of piercing his own flesh with his fangs. Without giving it a second thought, he let a few drops of blood drip in her mouth, on her tongue, as if it was life-saving medicine.  
Not again, he thought in absolute terror, not again will I let someone die. This is not the end, I won't let it end this way, I will change fate! There has to be a way, I can't just-  
Alucard pulled his fist back in shock, his fingers relaxed shakily. His chest rose and fell quickly, his eyes wide. With a trembling sigh, he watched her frame. But Sonia didn't move. No reaction whatsoever. Despite never having tried himself, Alucard knew how people turned. It must have been the holy blood that protected her. Or it was simply too late.  
And yet, there was nothing. No sound, no movement. Life had vanished out of her.  
Alucard was tired. His pain growing numb. It left emptiness inside his chest. Denial couldn't find its way yet. More tears dropped from his cheeks, he felt them land on the back of his hands which clutched to his knees. Despite his heart breaking in two, he couldn't tear his eyes off. Perhaps it was the hope of a fool, to see her open her eyes again, to smile at him.  
After all, Sonia merely looked like she was sleeping. Despite her soul having departed, she held a rare beauty to herself that he couldn't help but admire.  
One hand was finally lifted and shaking fingers stroked her hair out of her face. Indeed, perhaps she was only asleep. But that was the thought of the child within him. Perhaps she would find her way back home. Maybe this was just a nightmare. The real breakdown had yet to arrive and Alucard decided to induldge in the numbing, a true blessing at the moment.

For now, it was time to go. For both of them.  
This world had taken the last bit of warmth from him. It was now cold and empty. If eternity was his curse, he could bring silence to it as well. Perhaps, he was to see her again at the edge to death, to meet her in his dreams. To apologise, to embrace her warm frame and mutter words that only one was to hear.  
Alucard got up on his shaking legs. A strange calmness was on his expression as he bent to kiss her forehead like he would do with a child after tugging it in bed.  
"Until we meet again..." His eyes rested on her for some more. His life was long, he wanted to keep her image forever. Not that he was going to forget. Most likely not. After all, Sonia was one of the few people that pulled him out of the dark, someone who made him smile. Even now, though only for a second as the faint sound of her bright laugher rang between his ears, calling out to him. Alucard took another breath. "Farewell my beloved, my beautiful vampire hunter." Something to soothe himself, to warm his frozen heart and to remind him of the splinter that carved in every moment of this memory. No matter how painful, how much despair it brought, the Huntress was worth of every moment spent together.  
That was the least that he could do.

With that, the dream faded and blurred until it turned all black.  
It pulled him back to reality many centuries later with his chest heavy and stinging.  
And Alucard found himself alone in his bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to calm his trembling heart. To convince himself that he had found himself back in reality, he decided to speak, a clear sound in the silence that was placed like a rock on his chest, pressing out the air out off his lungs. Breathing in, feeling the cool air, it chased away the crawling sensation underneath his skin.  
A whisper was shared with the night of this future. A name, a few words. Those of which he wanted to share, something that wasn't entirely made up on reason, but feeling. Hoping, that it would find its way to the past or the realm that he couldn't reach.  
Perhaps, Sonia was still with him after all. Or, at least, watching from a distance. Knowing her, she would ask God to be moving from one place to another, guarding her descendants. The Huntress was never one to sit back. And Alucard could only hope that she was happy.  
Wherever she was.


End file.
